Honestly

In yesterday's post I mentioned that I've found a new ability to be honest with myself. It has been a pleasant discovery that has helped me immensely. When I was eating the SAD (standard American diet) I was completely out of touch with my body.  I didn't understand the signals it was sending. I confused cravings with hunger - there was no difference. I was consumed with thoughts of eating. I accepted fatigue as normal. I attributed pain and weakness to being 45 years old.  I had no control over my appetite. I blamed my high cholesterol on genetics. I couldn't exercise because I was exhausted.

I was disappointed that my body was failing me. I asked myself over and over "why me?" Why did I have such a hard time losing weight? What was wrong with me? And then I would feel overwhelming hunger and make Snickerdoodles.

Since I have been eating a plant based non processed diet I have whole new relationship with my body. I don't feel the urge to eat or even think about food until my tummy growls and rumbles because it is empty and needs food. And if that happens and I am not near a food source I can have a glass of water and the grumbling empty feeling is gone - sometimes for hours. When I eat I can feel the food in my body and how it affects my mood and energy. Have I ever told you about the time I felt pure anger after eating a brownie on an empty stomach? I mean uncontrollable lash-out-at-your-kids anger. Roland sent me to my room.

But mostly the honesty that I have with my body is the ability to understand and objectively look at what is going on and adjust and make myself feel better. I believe that getting rid of the SAD food allowed me to be more aware of what is going on with my body and give it what it really needs instead of a doughnut.

When I first started having cravings (yesterday's post) I felt those old feelings of confusion, fear, and loss of control creeping back. But I was able to think clearly, assess the situation and be honest enough to see why this was happening and then decide that I would make a change and get back on track.

I'm happy to "give up" Coke, pastries, prime rib and cheese for that honesty. It's a good trade.